ME----UNCENSORED

So my friend Jessica has an amazing blog and I borrowed this idea. It's a great way to be honest and true to myself.

1. Tell me something obvious about you. 

I have a big heart and I'm a giver. I worry a lot about what people think of me, although I'm working on that

2. Tell me something about you that many don't know. 

I have really really bad OCD. This is a very touchy subject that I have been writing about but not publishing yet. Someday I may be ready to talk about it. My mother actually suggested I write an actual book since she loves my writing so much. Perhaps my book will be about living life with OCD

3. What is your biggest fear? 

 

Death. My family dying, me dying, my animals dying. Death is something I fear for everyday of my life 

4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut? 

I've been known to do both. Depends on the situation

5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money. 

 my health

6. What is your most treasured possession? 

 

Anything that can take pictures. My formal camera and my Sony cam. And of course my iPhone. By nature I have a photogenic memory (I will blog about that at some point) but to capture all those moments I have in life is priceless. I may remember a lot of it, but my girls are young so for them to have scrapbooks and all these memories of their childhood makes my heart smile

7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often? 

 

 

I second guess myself. It could be as simple as having a conversation with a friend. Then when it's all said and done, I'll replay it in my mind and wonder if I said anything wrong. Or if I made the right choice in certain aspects of my life. All the what ifs or if I could of done something better. I don't want to say too much on that since I'll save it for another blog entry :)

 

8. What is your favorite lie to tell? 

 

Well lying isn't something I agree with or do. But I guess I'm guilty of "white lies" to my children. Like "if  you don't brush your teeth, they will fall out". Or "be good or Santa won't come".  You know that kind lol (ooo that would be a fun blog entry to do hehe)

 

9. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again. 
 

DISNEY WORLD. We are already planning our trip for about 4 ish years from now. We would love to leave here, with another family and drive and split on a condo :)

 

10. Are you the jealous type?

Right now? No. In my past? Yes there were times I was jealous. Not psycho jealous, but the type of jealous like "oh i wish i was as skinny as her or as pretty as her".  The type of jealous where you wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. I've learned that it's not. Often when I was jealous (for no reason of course) of something, I came to find out that the grass wasn't really greener for "them/him/her". So through life's challenges and stepping stones, I've learned to embrace what I have and who I've become. But believe me, it's not an easy task to accept myself for who I am, and not want to be someone I'm not. 

 

 

11. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to? 

Person: Oh my dear Annabelle. Gosh, that has to be the hardest person to EVER say no to. Even my mother has noticed over the years that I was MUCH stricter with Arielle. And NO I don't favor one for the other. I love both girls very equally and adore, and cherish them both for WHO they are and are becoming. But there IS something about Annabelle when it comes time to saying "NO"

Place: Restaurants. God, it's SO hard to say no when friends ask us out. We are the type of people who love to try new restaurants, and in our town, we are SO limited. But yea, eating out is def a "place" i can't say no to

Thing: Chips-can I say that? Chips are my fault with food. You name it. I don't care what kind it is, bring them out and I can't have just one chip

 

12. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you? 

Gosh. That's a hard question. Simply cause I have so many I could write about. But the first thing that came to mind is Jason. He's always going over and beyond of what he has to do, in order to assure that our children and I are well taken care of and are happy. Jason, you truly deserve your own entry on my blog
 

13. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be? 

Have another baby. There I said it. BUT it will NOT happen, and I have come to terms with that. But that's what I would do, if I COULD :)
 

14.When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered? 

Walking down Main street holding Arielle's hand at Magic Kingdom. I get butterflies thinking of it. Waiting in line for all those Disney characters with her was the best part of our trip. At that point in our trip absolutely NOTHING else was on my mind but Arielle and the characters. If you ever get a chance to see the pictures on facebook of our trip you will see the "Kodak" smile that was on me the ENTIRE time

 

 

15. Do you feel comfortable in public with a swimsuit on?

F*CK NO-but I do it, cause I don't want to miss out spending time with my children doing what we all love-SWIMMING
 

16. Name something embarrassing you've done.

 

 

This was out of my control. (if you get grossed out easy stop reading NOW) So some of you know my issues with my hemorrhaging? Well one day at Burger World when I got up, I started bleeding out right there by the booth. And by bleeding out, I mean blood gushing out and going right down to my knees. How's that for embarrassing?

 

17. What is your favourite food/meal?

 

 

Pizza, Cesar salad, pasta, BBQ rib eye steak

 

18. What song could be the theme tune to your life?

 

 

Holiday Road (the one from the Griswold's vacation movies). Why? Cause everyday is an adventure in the Petitcler's household :)

 

19. When did you know you were going to marry your husband?

 

When I first met Jason, he wasn't the typical guy I went for. He wasn't an ass, he was actually polite and adored me from the get go. The ONLY thing I can say he lacked was style. He came from a small town and didn't care much for what he wore. And I guess he remembered me saying one day while we were getting to know eachother "you would look so good in khakis...(my subtle hint lol)

 

We had been dating maybe 3 ish weeks. My father had invited him to East sides for dinner on a Friday evening. He lived near the restaurant so told us he would meet us there. In walks Jason, with a new shirt, and a new pair of khakis. From that day on, i realized that he must actually care a lot for me and taking my "advice" into consideration showed his character. He was the sweetest guy i'd ever met. From then on, I dressed him. Per his request. He's been a "pretty boy" since haha.

 

I'd like to also mention, if there is ANY topic or subject you would like me to blog about, please don't be shy to ask. I love to write and it's therapeutic for me.

.

Not surprised

So here I am. Enjoying life again. But there's a minor little detail I haven't shared with many people.

I have been struggling/dealing with a rash. This rash started the week I got my surgery. Before it actually. So surgery has nothing to do with it. But now, it's full blown. I have seen my Dr for it. There's a name for it. It's called Pityriasis rosea. Here is the link if you want to read up on it.

 http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pityriasis-rosea/DS00720

It says it hits people between the ages of 10-35. Well lucky me, I'm still 35 until July. SOOO I'm not surprised something else has entered my body. It also says that it typically starts following a sore throat or fever. Well the week leading up to my gastro/food poisoning I had a really bad sore throat. Thought it was strep (ended up not being strep). Then when the sore throat was still there, the gastro/food poisoning hit. Following that, I noticed a dot or 2 of something that looked like buttons. Had surgery on Thursday Jan 31. By Feb 4 I noticed my belly, chest and breast area was covered in those dots. A call to my Dr was made.

I saw my Dr and he looked all over at this rash (it was JUST starting my neck at this point). He said "oh it looks to me like it's Pityriasis rosea." I said "what is that? what caused it"? And he basically said there is no known reason for it normally, and it's not contagious, it's not bacterial and it's not fungal. Hmmm, OK but now what? He asked if it was itchy. I would say the belly/chest area is a 2 outta 10 on being itchy. But my neck? (I'll get to that in a moment). So he said, if it gets worse or new symptoms, to please go back and see him and we will reassess.

Fast forward to the weekend. We went outta town, and my neck was dramatically worst.  And the neck is a 9 outta 10 on itchiness. SO itchy and i try not to touch it cause i don't want to make it worst. I've had a few tell me to put anti itch cream or whatever but I don't know if I should just leave it or treat the itchiness.

Here is what I found on the website

Definition

By Mayo Clinic staff

Pityriasis rosea (rash)

<-------CLICK HERE TO SEE PICTURE THAT IS ON WEBSITE

Pityriasis (pit-ih-RIE-uh-sis) rosea is a skin rash that usually begins as one large circular or oval spot on your chest, abdomen or back. Called a herald patch, this initial spot can be up to 4 inches (10 centimeters) across.
The herald patch is typically followed by a distinctive pattern of similar but smaller lesions that sweep out from the middle of your body in a shape that resembles drooping pine-tree branches.
Pityriasis rosea can affect any age group, but it most commonly occurs between the ages of 10 and 35. It usually goes away on its own within six weeks. Pityriasis rosea can cause itching, and treatment usually focuses on relieving symptoms.

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff

Pityriasis rosea typically begins with a large, slightly raised, scaly patch — called the herald patch — on your back, chest or abdomen. Before the herald patch appears, some people experience a sore throat or fever.

A few days to a few weeks after the herald patch appears, you may notice smaller scaly spots across your back, chest or abdomen that resemble a pine-tree pattern. The rash can cause itching, which is occasionally severe

Causes

By Mayo Clinic staff
The exact cause of pityriasis rosea is unclear, although there is some evidence that the rash may be triggered by a viral infection, particularly by certain strains of the herpes virus. Pityriasis rosea, however, isn't believed to be contagious.

So with that being said...i would like to stretch out that I DO NOT HAVE HERPES. Although I got it from something viral (my sore throat 3 weeks ago maybe), I don't want anyone thinking I have herpes lol


So I gave you in a nutshell what this rash is. I still don't know the actual real reason I was hit with this, but at the same time,  I'm not surprised by it. In the beginning I thought maybe it had to do with lupus, but I'm not so sure it was lupus since the word the Dr told me shows me what it is. There's tons of pictures online of this annoying rash and I've taken pictures of my own rash to compare and it's identical (but some pictures I've seen online are SO much worst then mine).

Here are pictures of the rash on MY body. Please don't be grossed out by me. I promise I'm not contagious and it's not my fault :(

 

 

This is one side of neck (other side is the same)

This is parts of my belly

 This is my side of belly (I have it really bad on breasts, but I'll keep this blog G rated)

 

So as you can see, I'm dealing with a little set back on my regaining my health. But this too shall pass right? (gosh i hate that saying) So all you friends out there who have been here for me, and continue to be here, thank you. My Dr said it may take up to 2 months for it to fully go away. So in the meantime I can continue enjoying life with my family and friends all while being itchy with this, I have no time for you, leave my body PLEASE rash.

 

*sigh* Thank you if you read the whole thing and if I didn't bore you yet again with a sob story.

Yes, my father was THE Bonhomme

We have all gone through this. Your 13, and it's NOT cool to go into a store called "Bargain Harolds", or "BiWay".  Remember those stores?  I am SO guilty of this. My mother would drag me into those stores almost every week. But if someone saw me go in, the whole school knew the next day. And god forbid you wear anything or buy anything from there. That was even worst then going INTO the store. The embarrassment of being seen in those stores at the tender age of 13 brings back such fond childhood memories. At 13, your trying to come into your own. Reaching milestones that can be very hard for a young pre-teen. Now a days though?  Going into Dollarama? Love it. Love a good deal. Not for some things of course, but for fun kid stuff, or snacks, or cottage accessories, the dollar store rules.

Ahhh, speaking of childhood memories, there is one I will never ever forget. My dad being the Bonhomme Carnaval. Back then, the arena would be packed fully with people of all ages, and there wouldn't be an empty seat. There was also a carnaval queen and the whole nine yards. Times have definitely changed, and it's kinda sad since our french heritage seems to be slipping away.

I am 13, and in junior high school. The carnival will be starting soon which means lots of fun activities at the arena and through the french schools all over town. Someone known in the community has been chosen to be the Bonhomme but no one will know who that is for 2 weeks. That's right, the year my dad was Bonhomme was the first year they did it for 2 weeks.

I am at a school called Cite Des Jeunes and word has it that the Bonhomme is making it's way through our school and all the classes. I think to myself, "oh great, a visit from Bonhomme, big whoopee".  Remember, I'm 13 and too cool for this crap. Sure enough, Bonhomme shows up in our class. And it tends to gravitate towards me and put it's arm around me. I thought "great this Bonhomme is creepy".

So during the course of 2 weeks, I participated in tons of activities. I even joined cheerleading and danced on the ice with my school, and did the whole "I think I'm cool cause I'm 13" thing.

It's the day they will unveil the Bonhomme and I am in the living room hanging out with my dad. It's almost time to head to the arena for the end of the carnaval. I tell him that mom wants me to go on the ice to take pictures of the bonhomme when they take his "mask" off. I tell him that it's not what I want to do, but that mom is making me do it. I then looked at my dad straight in the eye and say "papa, are you the bonhomme"? He says "voyons Rachelle, of course I'm not".  I think to myself "thank god, how embarrassing would that be".

So my father tells my mother and I that he will meet us there since he has to show a house before the festivities. (what a lie that was haha)  Once we arrive to the arena, my mom kept making me go beside Bonhomme so she could get pictures of me and it. I had friends continually come over to me asking me to go hang out and run around the arena (u know act like a 13 year old too cool for anything) but nope, I had to stay with the Bonhomme. I finally beg her to tell me who the bonhomme is. I mean BEG and beg. She finally says "oh it's his best buddy". I thought, OMG it's Marcel. (those that know me, know who his best buddy named Marcel is haha).

With my mom filming (god how embarrassing) and me with my camera ready (even more embarrassing) the "mask" comes off. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. (I look towards my mom filming this, and she proceeds to tell me, no wait YELL at me to "take the picture, take the picture"). It's my freaking dad. Why in Jesus name would my dad be Bonhomme. Oh man, I'm even more embarrassed now. Not only did I have to take pictures with it, and of it, it ended up being my dad. I felt awkward (hellllooo? I'm 13). I was so shocked I froze.

Here is the picture of the day. (I also have my own personal pictures but will have to scan them at some point).  This is my dad's face coming out of the mask :)

Fast forward to today. Looking back on all the embarrassment I felt back then, it still brings back warm fuzzies thinking of how much it means to me to have been a part of something so major in our community. Being asked Bonhomme is a big honour and I am so proud to say my father was in fact a Bonhomme Carnaval. I am thankful I got to witness my father being something that is amazing to our french background. Today my little girls got to meet this Bonhomme that we have talked about for so many years.

 

Here is my father this morning at his house. You can see how proud my father is

to have the honour of being the "boss" this year ;)

 

My father and all his girls.

 

 Madison joined us today for lots of fun

 

My dad proudly showing Bonhomme a picture of when he was Bonhomme

So although I may have been an embarrassed 13 year old girl, this is something that is part of who I am. It's not something that I can or would ever forget. My dad was a proud man to show the French community how it's done. You can tell when he talks about it to this day he has nothing but amazing memories surrounding his time as Bonhomme.

Today my little girls got a piece of their mama's history and Arielle is hoping to meet Bonhomme again next weekend when they unveil the "mask". 

Papa, je t'aime beaucoup is je suis fiere d'etre ta fille.
                                xoxoxoxo

Pre and Post Surgery Nonsense

Wow is what comes to mind. Why me? Why someone who is so full of life, joy and happiness do I have to be hit with SO much in my life? And no, I'm not normally one who is self pity, I have a beautiful husband who dotes on me like no man I've ever met, and 2 gorgeous little girls who to me are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. But there is really only so much a happy woman can take of this shit.

Things come in 3's. Well in one week, 3 things did in fact happen. Strep throat was my first, then came the norwalk/food poisoning (will never know exactly WHAT that was, but I truly died and came back to life) and third was surgery. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

So, I get to the hospital on Thursday, January 31st at 10:40 AM. By 11:15AM I'm in the back talking to a lot of nurses, almost repeating the same thing so they can make sure of my history, and all that wonderful BS. I change into a gown, and put on a robe. (I really wanted to bring that robe home but along the way into surgery it was taken off of me by some nurses so I couldn't bring it home-it had disapeared). I get into one waiting area where there is a girl there, younger then I am. Much younger actually. For 20 LONG minutes it's awkward silence. You know the type where you just stare at walls, play with your robe belt and hope one of you is called so you can stop avoiding eye contact with this person. Ah finally, she's called in.

I'm alone in my thoughts. Not for long though. A man comes. He's 54. I know this cause I'm pretty sure this man divulged his whole life to me. His first comment to me when he came in? "So, why you in here today". OMG he did NOT just ask that. SHIT. What the hell do I tell him? So I proceed by saying "gynecological problems". He then says "oh whats going on"? REALLY???? you did NOT just ask that to a WOMAN???? Think fast Rachelle, think fast. My humour in me should of just told  him VERY bluntly why in fact I'm in surgery but my SHOCK of these questions made me calmly say "oh you know us woman always have problems". haha. After this point, an elderly lady comes in a wheelchair. My new friend, this man, asks her "so why you in". WOW, he's NOT shy is he? So she's in for a "trigger finger". Found out my new man friend is in for a hernia. I found out where he's from, how long he has been in North Bay. NO time for awkward silence when he's around let me tell you. Next he asks me AND the elderly lady, what area of town we live in. WHOA. So I tell him VAGUELY what area of town. Find out also where he lives, and where this elderly woman lives. By this point I'm like "omg please call my name, please call my name". OH here we go, I hear RACHEL (gah it's NOT RACHEL, it's RACHELLE). I decide not to correct the nurse and proceed to my next destination.

The nurse asks how tall I am. And then puts me on a scale. Yuck. Good thing I almost died last weekend and lost some weight. I then get put behind a curtain for more waiting. Another 90 ish minutes of waiting. In between my waiting, I see people come and go, and hear questions being asked to them. Then boom, THE MAN IS BACK. I see him again cause I'm sitting right by the scale. He looks at me and says "oh hey we meet again". (oh boy). Thank GOD he didn't ask how much I weigh. I mean he knows why I'm here, he knows my age (who by the way he gave me mid 20's while we were waiting in the waiting room-he was shocked i was 35-maybe he's not such a bad man after all LOL) and he knows where I live...why not know how much I weigh??

My wonderful DR comes to see me and touches base. Gosh I love that man. I tell him he must of missed me and he says "always". We shoot the shit a little and then he's off to prepare for our date.

So, I'm walking to surgery. Get inside this very frigid room. I see and meet a few nurses and the anesthesiologist. I could hear them talking and i make a joke, more of a nervous joke and I say "so I'm usually a very jokey person but I'm probably going to be sleeping today". The anesthesiologist says "oh honey, it's not probably, it's a YOU will be sleeping".

I lay on table and they attempt an IV in my left hand. Epic fail. Busted a vessel. So onto the right hand. Success but holy moly it hurt. A few min's goes by and they put a mask on me. Nurse says it's oxygen. I said "I'm not sleeping yet"? she said "in a few min's". So in the corner of my eye i see someone by my IV. I get asked to breath in oxygen. Then every one's voice is leaving my ears. I hear someone says "Rachelle keep your eyes open and think of something beautiful".  At that moment Arielle and Annabelle popped in my head so fast. I also know this is the moment that I'm going to fall under, fall under their spell and they can do whatever they want with me. I have now left the building.

My eyes are blinking, and I'm in pain. I have a personal nurse in recovery checking vitals and asking questions. Oh I have pains in my stomach that last at least an hour. In that hour they gave me my quota of pain meds through IV called something with an F. My quota on gravol since I was going to throw up. And they ALSO gave a percocet. I am in pain, but boy am I flying high.

Once I've been stable and moved from the first recovery to the second my husband is able to join me. He updates me on a few things. I come in and out of consciousness. It took a good 45 min's or so to get me dressed. Every time I would sit up to get dressed I'd almost pass out. If hubby put socks on me, I'd have to lay back down and take it easy some more. When all was said and done, he wheeled me in a wheelchair to the car. But he parked me inside the hospital while he got our car. I am sure people looking at me must of thought i was a zombie.

I get in the car, and lay down, just picturing myself being in bed. I get home and as much as I'm happy to see my girls, i need to lay down and ask Jason to bring me one girl at a time to our bed. Annabelle is first, and she's scared to touch me. I hug her and she won't touch me. I reassure her that mommy can be touched and would love to be touched by her. My fave thing to do with Annabelle is grab my finger and rub her face and soak her all in. Once she sees I'm doing this she realizes I'm her mommy and I'm OK.

I send her off to get Arielle. Arielle was getting ready to go sleep at Nana's. Arielle comes in and my favorite thing to do with her is nuzzle her. Oh boy do I love doing that. She asks questions and we have a short chat. She's excited to sleep at Nana's. By this point I call both kids in. But I'm tired and anxious to lay. My mom comes in and I hug her tight. SO tight. She's afraid to hurt me but at this point I just want my mommy.

Now I'm alone again. From about 6-12 it's NOT a good time. I am so high on the drugs they gave me that every time I fell asleep I would awake gasping for air. Can't feel myself breath. So once Annabelle is in bed, Jay worked on his laptop beside me sipping a beer. He said I keep waking up scared like I can't breath. I'm scared that I will fall asleep and not wake up. I have to trust that Jason is there to keep an eye on me.

Boom, it's 10:30 AM the next day, today actually. And I'm alive. I have cramps (like contractions), and Jay has given me Advil. Although I've been perscribed PERCS, I don't think I'm going to take too many of those. So Advil it is.

I'd like to first off, thank my friends who have emailed and texted me. I have a lot to catch up on and I promise I will respond to each one of you when I can. I haven't read anything yet. Thank you to those who never fail to check up on me. Who kept me in their thoughts. You are amazing friends and I value you all each individually.

I'd like to thank my mom, who is here NO matter what and loves my girls as much as we do. Your grand babies love you so much and crave time with you. Merci maman, I love you more then you will EVER know.

Thank you to my dad and his fiancee, who are also there when we need or want something. I can't wait until we go over tomorrow for dinner, and I can lay on your couch and just be catered to. I miss coming over and this is WAY long overdue.

Thank you to my beautiful little girls who are the best, most joyous zest for life little girls I've ever come in contact with. Arielle, you are one smart little girl, and you are like me and worry about so much. Let mommy do the worrying, just enjoy your childhood baby girl, and know that maman is your biggest fan. I love you my miss Magoo. Annabelle, oh my beautiful, free spirited Annabelle. Your presence in this world is known and you sure make anyone who meets you love you and wanna keep you. But your mine and I love your zest for life. Arielle and Annabelle you will always be my heart walking out of my body.

Last, but NOT least, Jason. Oh Jason. You deserve your own blog entry. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for putting up with so much in our 13 1/2 years together. You are the most patient, loving, caring man I've ever EVER met (not just saying that cause ur mine). If you weren't mine, I'd be jealous of the woman who has you. But I'm lucky, cause I HAVE YOU. I hope we are on to smooth sailing soon. Since December we've been through, strep throat (2x), Scarlett fever, stomach flues, norwalk/food poisoning, stitches, and surgery. I think we deserve a little bit of a break. I hope to have our VERY late anniversary date with you soon. Dinner and movie. Let's get a sitter and have some alone fun. I love you papa poppers. Now make some plans and call a sitter will ya? :)

Here is a picture Jason took of me during my unconsciousness. Hubby must surely love me. Look at me? I am nothing glamorous, not even that pretty, but my heart is big and when I care and love someone or something, I LOVE very hard.

I hope to continue blogging in the coming weeks. I miss it and it's been needed more then ever. If you have made it this far down, thank you and hope you enjoyed my experience.